This was one book you did not expect to become so attached to. I use this app when I’m reading to record my progress, and according to the app, I read this book in under six hours… that has to be my quickest time reading a novel… I’m still overwhelmed by it. The cover gives the sense of eerie darkness mixed with chaos, which I can say is fairly accurate.
Brooke Danvers is pretending to be fine. She’s gotten so good at pretending that they’re letting her leave inpatient therapy. Now she just has to fake it long enough for her parents and teachers to let their guard down. This time, when she's ready to end her life, there won’t be anyone around to stop her.
Then Brooke meets Derek. Derek is the only person who really gets what Brooke is going through, because he’s going through it too. As they start spending more time together, Brooke suddenly finds herself having something to look forward to every day and maybe even happiness.
But when Derek’s feelings for her intensify, Brooke is forced to accept that the same relationship that is bringing out the best in her might be bringing out the worst in Derek—and that Derek at his worst could be capable of real darkness.
(obtained from Goodreads)
The blurb could have referred to a few things when mentioning darkness, but readers make the connections when our protagonist, Brooke, has been released from hospital on good behavior after she has attempted suicide. Yet she is only behaving and acting as if she is better so she can get another chance to do it
Overall, the plot was fairly easy to follow and really didn’t sugarcoat things when speaking about depression. There are many ‘opinions’ on it and the author doesn’t hesitate to express them through different characters. First, we have Brooke’s mother who is constantly happy that Brooke is out yet her ways feel forced. As if she is walking on ice around Brooke. Her father, however, is upset about the entire situation. Both parents don’t know how to feel or act because in any parent’s mindset, they think something like this will never happen to their child. Brewer makes a pretty accurate representation of how adults are in these situations.
Brooke’s only person to turn to when she is out is her friend, Duckie. He is understanding and supportive of Brooke throughout the entire book. He doesn’t push anything and is just… there. Sometimes people with depression need that someone to turn to where they can just be taken away and not think about anything.
However, it is a different story when she meets Derek. Who seems to be in the same boat as her. You can tell Derek has reached a point where he does not care anymore because he opens up about everything immediately and is straight up about his thoughts on depression. Brooke forms this bond with Derek that she cannot have with anyone else because he gets it… he has been there and openly said how he wanted to take his own life in a very graphic way.
Eventually Brooke and Derek get together, which looking back was the most toxic thing to have ever happened. You have two suicidal people. One is actually progressing in the relationship and finding a true happiness, while the other only seems to get worse because of their clinginess, paranoid and obsessive thinking.
I won’t go further on explaining to avoid any spoilers, but you get the gist of it. The author has reflected so well on different depression. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes it will go out. Sometimes it is not real, sometimes it is someone else’s light that you might take or destroy.
The character development Brooke goes through is truly uplifting to read, especially from someone who has mild depression. Personally, I am slowly improving myself and the state I was in while reading this book must have been the reason I was so compelled to read it so eagerly. Yet, as we see in the book, there are difficulties and you might be in a good place and state of mind, while someone else is at their worst watching you.
I’d say read this book with caution. If you have/had depression, make sure you are in the right mindset to read this as it can be trigging, nonetheless addictive, but not in the right way. When I read this book, I rated it as four stars and am sticking to my rating because I love the rawness and explicitness of it.
